Soliloquies
by I'm-Modal-Soul
Summary: It's what one thinks, not say, that reveals their character.
1. Paradigm

It doesn't matter how I got here, really, it wouldn't change the outcome if I was in class or at home, I'll still be in this compromising place. I'm only an object, serving a purpose of others but lacking anything useful on my accord.

"Lisa."

Right, I am getting bullied. I never asked or did something to call for it ,.. so why?

Standing on top of a starting block with my school uniform, I aimlessly looked at the water showing my reflection.

I've already accepted what shall encompass my life, whether I'm here in this education environment or home where my mother resides.

_I wished everything disappeared._

"Lisa."

Another remark from one of the girls, I don't dare look at them, they're indistinguishable from one another. Despite not looking at them, they're smiling, amused of my suffering...

They howl and jeer at me to fly high, head into the water with no replacement for my uniform.

Reflexively I bit my lower lip, ready to resign and follow through on what would entertain them but offer nothing but misery for me.

Yeah, that's all I can do anyway...

"Hey...Watchda doing?"

Raising my head from the pool, I looked over to the source. A boy? The male uniform and dark brown hair. He's watching us by hanging on the wall that covers the perimeter of the pool. He looks entertained. Who is he?

Not only me, even the girls who orchestrated this act looks up in confusion. Questions such as who is this person or why was he here. Class will not start until a few minutes from now and no swim classes were around for the summer semester.

"Ah, this is what they call bullying right?"

Yeah, this is exactly what it is. It's plain to see from a first glance isn't it?

The accused bullies nonchalantly play it off, suggesting that I wished to swim and it brings happiness to me. One of them patted me on my back mildly. The force was enough to lose my balance on the starting board but I managed to recover.

"Really? Wearing clothes into the pool?"

No, I don't wish to do this. They set me up and under them like a pawn ready for capture by the enemy. And all a pawn can do is follow orders. My eyes shift elsewhere, my lip growing in pressure from my bite. I answered enough for him to hear.

**"Yeah...because I'm hot."**

A poor lie. I expect this small interruption to close with him retreating and leaving us alone. Then this daily hazing regime can continue.

"Me too!"

This boy who arrived smiled and recklessly leaped from the wall and sunk into the pool, leaving all of us in a daze. He wasn't the target of the bullying and yet he performed such an act.

He rose up and smiled brightly in my direction.

His smile...it was like the sun itself on a summer day.

I shifted my attention elsewhere. I saw another one, a student whom I haven't seen. Black hair, also male uniform. Wears glasses. A key feature however were his eyes and expression. He looked at the scene with a lack of emotion.

His eyes were like ice.


	2. Muse

The JSDF are under stress, rightfully so. A bomb destroying the Tokyo Metropolitan building would cause chaos regardless of enforcement. Yet, I'm here in archives. I am not assigned to the task. Hmph, I'm here for a reason and I'm a detective. A bunch of terrorists are no laughing matter. Despite that, things shouldn't escalate to that point.

Which is why I'm sitting on this comfortable couch, gripping a crossword puzzle in one hand and a pencil in the other. All I have to do is follow orders from the above like a pawn.

Yeah, last time I acted like a knight to bring things to light.

My reward was my authority restricted and demoted to oblivion. My life suffered not only for me but also for my family. I joined the force to stop controversy and save others who are in need. I did what the job description said on the tin, only brought with repercussions.

Alas, the difficulty of encountering a job with my history and education won't net me a gain either.

Until work comes my way, I'll whittle away by testing my intelligence.

Maybe it is fate for what occurred.

"Doing crosswords at a time like this Shibazaki?"

My partner in crime, Mukasa, tries to spark up a conversation. I look over to see him restlessly refreshing a page on a video sharing website. Guessing he's waiting for another cat video again.

"The First Division looks to be in trouble."

And does nothing for us here at the archives. As much as news may bring fun, we can't do anything. Or we'll be punished. I decide to respond

"Aren't you fooling around on the internet?" I ask.

Taking a look at the hint in the booklet in hand, I recall something.

"Hey, what's the instant pork ramen from 1987 that was reissued?"

"Hey, you shouldn't assume all fat people are experts on Carbs."

I stare at Mukasa briefly. He's thinking about something. Confidently, he answers.

"It's the Toppa Chikara Kusa Yantsuki Ramen."

I say nothing about his remarkable skill on recalling a Carbohydrate snack and started filling in the blank blocks.

"I'm serious, I'm trying to figure out Sphinx's next move."

Good luck on that I suppose.

"It's here!"

Maybe I spoke too soon.

I slowly shift my head to see the LCD monitor to watch this supposed video, two adolescent boys filling the screen. They marvel at their work and make light of their explosions from their previous attack. What follows is a riddle, a chance to stop a bomb and meant specifically for the police themselves.

"What walks on two legs, then four legs, then three legs. If you figure this out, the next bomb is yours." The video ends shortly after.

"The First Division won't be heading home early today." Mukasa sighs in sympathy for the other workers. I sigh also at this new challenge.

I work here at archives, no one expects anything from me. I shouldn't be doing anything more than file papers.

However...

I'm a detective at heart and a riddle is far more engaging than a crossword puzzle.

I place the booklet to the side and get up, sitting nearby Mukasa to power on the computer nearby

"Shibazaki? What are you doing?"

"What do you think?" I couldn't help but smile lightly to myself at what I'm about to do.

"I'm going to solve this riddle."


	3. Choice

Darkness envelopes my room. An accurate depiction of myself.

I'm arranging my clothes as I prepare to leave.

I just can't take it anymore.

Those two boys had labeled me an accomplice. Yeah, I'm not really worth much despite such a term. Even so, I felt...

I zip up my bag until it hits the end of the line, trying to think of a proper synonym.

**Content**.

Two terrorists trying to blow up areas of Japan aren't really friends. However, I can't help wanting to know them.

I was able to wash away my past misfortunes. I forgot entirely that I was getting bullied, I forgot how terribly I'm treated by my mother.

They destroyed my insufferable perception of living.

They gave me...

**Hope**.

As for my mother, I don't understand her. I try to help her, calm her down but she's overbearing to the point of psychotic. I can't turn to anyone for help.

Yeah, there's a limit I may handle until it tips over. I can't stay in this life anymore. I don't have a purpose. And no, not for others who seem determined to watch me suffer, no, a purpose I am sure I am able to claim for myself.

I check my phone, scrolling through the contact logs. I only see my mother's name as I scroll down on the rejected calls and texts until one catches my interest

The contact of which Hisami-kun called me on the day of their first attack.

I press the dial button on-screen.

Finding a needle in the haystack refers to the chances for him to answer. A few seconds pass and it skips right to voice mail. I didn't expect a response.

Like someone would whisk me away from this sinkhole of a life. I still had hope that I might be wrong this time.

I take hold of the bag in my arms, solidifying my resolve. Mustering up courage, I quietly look around, trying to keep my mother from figuring out what I had planned. I reach the front door in hopes to leave without a notice.

The heavy door sways open and creaks. Anxiety rushes inside me. The emotion doubled when I hear my mother is awake in her room. Instantly she asked if I was there. Her tone showed panic throughout her words.

I felt sick to my stomach but I know my ability to stay here shall break me. I rush pass the door, exiting the apartment I once called home and tried to find something, anything to not bring back this life I'm ready to throw it away.

* * *

Afternoon

I headed back into our apartment building, such a cozy place me and Nine own. He's still hung up about his past and I'm trying to cheer up the guy.

Cold, saw right through my exterior too. Can't say I blame him. I promised him to not get involved with her. Or try to at least. Speaking of Lisa...

I clutch the phone in my hands, looking at the app for maps and focus on the red marker moving in increments. The name above reads Lisa Mishima. Hm, did she leave? That's not the way to school either...

"What?" Nine returns from the terrace and glares at me.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." I whimsically smiled at him.

If not for our computer highlighting breaking news, he would've interrogated me further. One cold glance after another, he looks at the screen.

"Seems like the police have something to say." He quickly takes a seat. I flash another look at my phone, seeing the distance rise slowly. Placing it in my back pocket, I refocus on our plan.

"...Yeah, let's see what they have in store."


	4. Savior

I told her the best case scenario, the best option for her and our plans. Things can only go down hill from here. Go home I say, it's dangerous here. Having a witness waltz freely around would mean trouble for us.

Her reaction was what made me second guess.

I never saw her face as she spoke her pain. Her troubles seems to stem from her life. The sound of disappointment and despair tug at my heart. I shouldn't be caring at all.

I know she was crying, the very last chance to be helped and was told otherwise.

I'm a terrorist anyways, I should be heartless monster with Nine to begin with.

However, after this plan succeeds...what is left for me and Nine?

We don't have much time. Less him than me.

Maybe it is selfish, maybe my interests are elsewhere than achieving a goal set in the past.

But what I've just heard at this very moment, her expression as if Sphinx were her only hope to live...

I clutch the fence with my hands, knowing the feeling was the same when we left, when we ran away from that institution.

Me and Nine had nowhere to go, we didn't have a home. We couldn't turn back or else we'd die. Nine wouldn't agree now but deep down, he would say yes to this.

Those kids died because they gave up, they had no reason to live. The resonance between Lisa and them begins to shape up my mind.

I always believed there was something mystical, something magical that can occur. It could even be humans themselves.

_Maybe an angel would come down and grace us, save us from the pain we endured back then._

Fate said otherwise.

We didn't have the power to change our future.

Lisa must have the same wish and is about to get rejected, head back into the lifestyle that's ruining her now.

The cars passed back and forth below the street, maybe driving home or to a life they're already accepted by.

...

No.

Soon I couldn't think of any alternatives. My decision was final from there on. I didn't have the power back then.

**But I do now.**

"Lisa" I murmur, leaving the fence I've been leaning against and walk away. I made up my mind, I don't care about the future, only what happens at this very moment**.**

"You won't have to suffer anymore."

I pull my keys out of my pocket, nearing my motorcycle parked close.

**"If no one else will, then I'll be the one to grant your wish."**

My resolve Once it was ready, the engine roared as I rush to find her.

The two officers were surprised as I passed them. Right, fate tried to pull her back into the rules she hates and wants to get way from.

I turn back towards their direction, smiling over to Lisa.

Surprised wouldn't be the right word to describe her expression. The hope She ran over, away from the police and got on the back. I lowered my head and sped off.

It might be selfish of me to do this, and not think of what will happen later. I'm ignoring Nine, the plan and our reason for living this long...

But, I'm doing something no else could do in the past for us.

_Be the Angel to whisk us away from our terrible lives._


	5. Phantom

**Have a Great Halloween Everyone!**

* * *

Nine.

I can't help but recall him, reminiscing the small moments we played games. Hide and Seek, Tag, Chess. Very childish games at the time. I relish them. The immature challenges we waged against one another bring fond memories, even through the thundering noise of the Airplane's turbines

He always defeated me. Maybe he got higher levels of concentration in that facility, or perhaps he was a prodigy before hand. No matter how many moves I played, he was one step ahead of me.

Until now.

I flick the handle of the nail brush against my index finger, leaving a hue of rose in its wake. Flexing my wrist, I admire my work and shortly drift my attention off to the side, gazing past the window where all that's visible are clouds. A sunny day but I can't help but smile to myself, knowing the opposite will arrive.

Those two boys are still alive despite running away from that institution.

My intuition gave hope that they survived. And what a fitting stage to reunite with them.

Resorting to bombing Government owned property and gradually create a media buzz. The buzz loud enough to catch the FBI's ears and then the file was brought upon my desk.

I wouldn't have to make much of an effort to be assigned on this investigation. My skills essential to what these two boys who progressed rapidly from the experimental drugs. Hacking, crafting bombs to be detonated from a single phone call, if what the bomb that's been deactivated from the shrine gave clues.

If such is the result, then a little magnetic interference across all phone carriers shall be a great plug to the next attack. I've spent every day for three years with them, I know how they'll respond.

America has one interest in this entire investigation. What exactly Sphinx stole from Aomori. A refined amount of plutonium stolen. Or was it?

"You seem to be in a good mood."

I haven't even realized I was smiling to myself.

Clarence, my assistant and coworker sat parallel to my seat.

Hmph, why wouldn't I be happy? A case regarding terrorists wouldn't have been picked up by America had Japan not requested help. However, what drew me in was those videos indicating their attacks. Made certain they were the same boys back then.

I answer with half interest to his remark.

"Of course I am." My smile shines through the translucent reflection on the window, never glancing back at the American.

All this time, I've been given orders, sent around and under the whim of those above me. First Japan and now the USA. They whisked me away and destroyed any chance of experiencing a normal childhood. I'm seventeen, working in the NEST division. On the surface that is.

I'm being treated no differently than when I was a kid, albeit, with more freedom. In spite of this, I found a reason to be excited, a reaction I haven't had since playing against Nine.

"And why is that? I've been working besides you for months and never seen a smile until now."

A light laugh left me, one I haven't had in years.

"Because" I began, turning my head to face Clarence.

"I'm having a reunion."


	6. Revision

Ngh!

My body hasn't recovered. Vivid flames circled around me from a mistimed explosion. The appearance of Five ruined our original goal. The singes on my skin reminds me with every movement of the repercussions.

Tch!

I reach out of bed, needing to breathe. Twelve instinctively asks if I'm alright.

"I'm fine."

"Why don't you rest? You've taken a huge hit."

I don't have much time to waste and sleep in. Our mission takes precedent over my health.

"Negative" I start, giving myself another breath to take in. "Five won't wait for us."

I walk down the steps, sorting in my mind what options, what goals we must revise. Five destroyed our plans organization and she's an unstable force. She must be dealt with.

The time back in the institution showed me who she was. A bored individual, one looking for excitement in any form once everything became dull. In other words...

"Five's the worst type of person to interfere with us."

"Oh? Haven't you always beaten her back then in any game?"

"The fact she didn't leave with us and remained alive screams experimentation. She's out for revenge." The speed of her hacking outweighs mine. She could have exploited me and got us compromised but she won't stop the game till all options are exercised.

I narrow my eyes, needing to take a break. Another onslaught of headaches wouldn't be right. For now, best to not make plans, to stay out of the shadows for a day or two to see which route is the best.

"Um"

I turn my head, seeing this woman who's been living here wishing to ask me something.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"There's nothing you can do." It's a lie. There's plenty she can do but she's not one of us. She doesn't have to interfere or be a casualty. She stutters at my bluntness, and tries to justify her merit. However, she seems to not even know what she can do. I sigh.

"You mean you would assist in the death of civilians? To destroy property?" As expected, her reaction gives it all away. Eyes shaking, hesitation. She's human. Twelve and I, we're experiments gone wrong and somehow managed to keep living. She doesn't need to be involved. The infatuation Twelve has is something I can't understand but it's not my problem. The farther away Lisa's from the objective, the better we're off.

I pull out my laptop, going straight to the news page, articles upon articles of our failed bomb. I hide my grimace from the pain the civilians suffered, the wreckage of trains and the injuries. A quick turn showed we're not saints. I may be cold and distant but I already have a lot on my mind, having another person's life involved is something unwanted on my conscious.

"We're terrorists, we endanger the people."

"Nine, you know the bomb's not-"

"Don't get in the way." I look in her direction. I see disappointment in herself, to know she has no place. I am not as forgiving as Twelve. I only wish for her to leave at some point, to not be endangered anymore and lose all ties. My actions are to scare her and not come near. She'll add fuel to the fire. I walk away, thinking about Shibazaki.

_'You are our best hope right now Detective."_


	7. Urgency

I'm outside, slamming my fist into the brick wall in frustration. Even now, I can't find them. I tried to think deeper with time ticking away.

That's when my phone rings

"Who can be calling at a time like this?"

My to be suspended team's scrambling around trying to secure this bomb, flocking like headless chickens. No details or ideas on where this may lie. I took a deep breath, pulling out my phone from my pockets.

Caller ID's private but my number wouldn't be distributed without my permission.

I answer.

"Detective Shibazaki." Addressing me directly, this person knows my identity.

"Who's this?"

"Sphinx number 1" I nearly drop my phone, having one half of this group terrorizing Japan.

"How do you have this number?"

"I lack time to tell you. This bomb's real, but we're not the ones who set it up. After all this time and recent incidents, you should know who would frame us correct?"

Rising Peace Academy. Right, politics is ruling over everything. They don't want my help, they only want them dead.

"So, now what?"

"There's a bomb on a passenger jet en route to gate 106." The grip on my phone tightens. Innocent civilians can't escape in time and even then, if we were to warn them, who would believe us? We would bring a scandal in a public event.

"There's just one way to stop them" he continues. "The radio tower is controlling the plane but we can't enter, swat team's swarming the area."

"So you're going to use me to fulfill your desires?" I can't help but chuckle, my hands are tied, from a terrorist no doubt.

"Won't it be an issue if this bomb goes off for both of us?"

"You're telling me we share the same goals?"

"Isn't it the duty of the police to protect the civilians?"

I'm walking away, heading to the tower by now, a wide smirk on my face. "Hearing that from a terrorist is too good to be true."

I hang up, and started speed dialing my team, giving them heads up.

"Radio tower, now, we need to enter or else we're going to see a disaster."

...

They were right, the swat teams surrounded the tower, unusual for an otherwise routine day for travelers.

"I thought we told you no one can pass."

"But they're detectives." He's doing his job but he thinks we're sharing the same goals.

"Excuse me, we need to enter."

"Hey, no one's allowed to go through!" My eyes narrow, annoyed by their persistence, did they have no idea what's to occur?

"Let me through!" I yell, trying to use brute force. Like a brick wall, he wouldn't let me enter. I don't have time for this!

Hamura tried to sneak by but he's stopped too. These idiots, following orders only makes them pawns in the long run, it's not true justice. No better than me and Shunzo Mamiya.

They weren't going to listen.

"Shibazaki!" Hamura would help, so did Okano, pulling them apart long enough for me to slip by. Can't imagine Mukasa pulling through.

I don't dare look back, sprinting up the steps. Only now do I realize how much my smoking affected me, feeling winded. Lo and behold, Tthat woman's here, the maestro this fiasco. I stare at her, unsure of her role but whatever it is, it's over.

I pointed my revolver at the main air traffic worker.

"You'll do as I say." The lady narrowed her eyes at me, nearly scowling.

"You fool, you're just a pet to them." I don't answer back. In fact, it's too similar this situation, the man suddenly committing suicide all those years ago, it doesn't add up. The JSDF really submitting to outsiders?

"Aren't you finished?" I asked, believing the stressed worker's stalling.

He meekly nodded, telling me the job's finished.

"You'll pay for this, you know this don't you?" I couldn't ask her about her part in this, my ears ringing to the sound a huge explosion. I look outward, nearing the sturdy glass window and viewing the wreckage. They weren't kidding, it was real. And it only tells me the police is working to destroy Sphinx, to criminalize them. They haven't killed anyone, that bomb on the train was a simple puzzle but the police department wouldn't move at all.

"And now I'm going to go deaf tomorrow once news get around." I scratched the back of my head, happy a disaster been avoided. Not even the workers for air traffic knew the bomb was on the plane, just doing what they're ordered. I stare down, catching sight of a truck cruising to a stop. A teenager steps out, a blue mask staring me in the face.

Sphinx number one.

I slam my hands onto the glass, the elusive figures right there in my hands. I turn around, attempting to stop them but a traffic jam rested on the stairs, frantic cries and worries if there's another one. I sprint back to the window, watching them ride off.

"Damn it!"


	8. Envy

Thank you everyone who reviewed, followed or Fav. I have been mum lately. I write when I'm inspired. Today, I'm in the mood. This is Stream of Conscious and you'll understand why. Here's chapter eight.

* * *

I sit by the couch, a painting hanging overhead in this hotel room rented out by the FBI. I observe the dark haired girl, the one who's garnered the attention of Nine and Twelve. I can't believe they risked their lives to save her. What is it about her? She's nothing, her posture, intelligence, ambition, it's abysmal. I can't comprehend why such geniuses would have a bumbling lackey on board? It's a disgrace to find her as a replacement. A replacement to me!

But surely I can't complain. I never left the institution on my own free will, rescued by American Troops who shut down the operation. Yet, I never took a break. I couldn't be rescued properly. They trained me further, invested in this study that Mamiya cooked up. I was a toy, a puppet to them. Ah, but once this little investigation came up and my life span dwindling down, I couldn't resist this. A final chance to reunite with them. I already met Nine and couldn't contain my excitement. He nearly defeated me in the chess game. If that insubordinate rat of a detective hadn't intervened, I would have won and stopped them.

We're meant to expire, meant to die shortly. We're the ones to expire rapidly into dust and flow freely in the wind and forever be forgotten. We never existed in the first place. I never gotten validation. Which is why I'm scanning this female from head to toe trying to piece together the reason she's capturing the attention of ghosts. It's absurd. I can't stand it, this anger and frustration welling up in me. I'm rambling in my head but I have no other outlet and lack any interest other than defeating them, defeating Nine. To think they'd go to such lengths to stash a prototype nuclear bomb ready to eliminate entire cities is horrific. I should be assisting their case yet I couldn't care. The migraines have been powerful lately and I'm grasping at straws by now. I'm running out of time and can't play along.

I belittle the woman named Lisa Mishima, out of spite. How can I not? Maybe I'm jealous or the fact the girl's easy to be put down. Her expression's a joy to watch with downcast eyes and nervous shifting while handcuffed. Yet, she has the courage to talk back when I'm the one in control.

"I...I don't care what happens to me but please, let those two-"

"Let them go?" I asked, sizing up my cuffed prey. Oh, what a treat. They never told her?!

"Your life means nothing to me." A pawn, a toy to be broken one way or another at some point. She's on the verge anyway. The self esteem and body language screams demure and miniature. Self sacrifice for boys she recently met? What a tragic love story Shakespeare would write.

"An ant has more uses than you." I belittle and strike with words, her reaction of shock at how I compare her existence to one that can't even speak or fight back. Useless and a nuisance!

"Besides" I resume, wishing to catch her reaction. "Do you really think Nine and Twelve have a future left?" I fear it, always feared it but I never gave it away. I was ready to die back then along with the others in that facility. Nine made the experiments worth having to battle him and play games. I'm older and I'm barely living, my body aches and cries when I'm under stress. It hurts,but the reward should outweigh everything else. I'm scared to die, scared to fade away without completing my goal to be with him again. I'll do anything until this vessel gives way and I crumble. Till then, Lisa will be a good use to my next plan.

"But an ant can't perform the job I have for you now."


End file.
